According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
