So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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