im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
