$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
