i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
