no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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