I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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