She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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