dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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