There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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