so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
