We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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