apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
