Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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