He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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