Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
