Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
