morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
