I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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