I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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