Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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