just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
