i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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