Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
