I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
