Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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