I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
