So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
