forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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