I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
