GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
