I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
