btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
