If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
