he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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