Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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