There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
