Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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