im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
