FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
