i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
