Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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