The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
