that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
