I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
