she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
