why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
