david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
