So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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