here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
